It’s been a rough semester for my sister, Georgia. She has learned a lot from it, though, and she asked if she could share her reflections on my blog. Enjoy a post from my first guest writer and superstar sister!
Sometimes it is hard to point to the exact root of your emotions. People expect a list of reasons to validate the way you feel. I think for too long I kept going through the motions, smiling every morning I rolled out of bed, and continuing to tell myself I could keep up the good front. The death of a friend, broken relationships, the constant pressure from coaches and school, and a deep seeded sadness that I don’t think I could ever explain all played a role in this pit I was being sucked into, and I was stuck trying to claw my way out, but with every motion I made the hole got deeper.
This year has been difficult. Probably the hardest ever. I am a serious fan of being in control of my emotions. And that becomes a problem when you are faced with depression. Half the time I would feel things and not know why exactly I was feeling that way. That is something I never wish on anyone. I was going through my journal yesterday and found a page that pretty much sums up where I was for a good chunk of this semester.
“I AM BROKEN. There is no other way to put it. My heart is broken. So much of my soul feels dead. I have a sadness I can’t shake. For weeks I have been exhausted and drained because I can’t carry this weight. I am in a dark place that only the Lord can bring me out of. God I need you. I can’t do this by myself.”
Kind of scary? Yeah. When I read that yesterday it was hard for me not to relive those emotions. The most beautiful thing about being in such a dark place for so long is you are literally stripped of anything and everything you once depended on. God is it. He is your man. Any light that shines is Him because there is a darkness so thick around you that God is the only thing that can pierce it. Even though I was in the most pain and dealt with the most fear I have ever been faced with this year, I had a peace in the depths of my soul that I can only attribute to the Lord. When you don’t have anything else propping you up, God pretty much takes the reins.
And take the reins He did. When I was reluctant to trust the Lord when everything was going my way, he took everything away so I would. God has a special place for the brokenhearted. He takes the tears that come far too frequently and holds you like a child – no matter how old you find yourself. Even though this year has been so much harder than I could have ever imagined, I wouldn’t take it back. God was the closest I have ever experienced Him, and if I had other things to cling to nothing would have changed in my life. I’m not trying to idealize depression; it actually is terrible- but God is the greatest, and His hand in any situation can change your life and change the way you look at other people.
So with that, I challenge you to go throughout your day today and look at people differently – try to understand where they may be coming from before your emotions get the best of you. Remember that every person on earth is a child of the King, and that includes you. When the world gets the best of you, know that there is a love out there stronger than any other force in the universe, and it can be showered on you. That is pretty amazing if you ask me. So go out and change a life, you’ll never know the impact you can make if you don’t act.