It is Sunday night. I just got back from a Saturday to Sunday jaunt to DC. I have not begun any homework; I don’t really want to. The last few weeks have been an absolute whirlwind. I’ve wanted to write about Bermuda, both what I did and what I learned, before it all slips away. That just wasn’t possible in the last week. I don’t really feel any joy or productivity unless my life is in balance – body, mind, spirit kind of thing.
What does that look like for Jessica Compton? In order of importance, here you go:
-Consistent quiet time with Jesus
-Eight hours of sleep
-Three delicious, healthy meals a day
-Being on top of my school work
-Gym or running
-Real life time with friends/Facetime with family
-Time by myself, typically pleasuring reading
Imagine a yoga move that requires discipline, strength, flexibility, and concentration. Envision hands firmly centered on the yoga mat, knees resting on the forearms, rear highest part of the body in the air. If I were to check off each bullet on the list above in the course of two days, I would successfully be maintaining that yoga pose.
The last seven days, not only have I fallen out of the pose, but I’m pretty certain half of my body isn’t even on the yoga mat any more. I have been struggling to stay above water, partly because I have serious over-commitment issues, partly because I care way too much about school, and partly because I decided to procrastinate, which I rarely do. So, I’m sorry about the blog. It has been way down on the priority list. It still kind of is, but I’m using it as an effective procrastination tool to avoid everything else I must face in the coming week. I know it is pretty perfectionist of me to want all of those things all the time, but they are essential to my well-being, and I’m only able to really serve other people when I address my own list. I’ve also heard phrases like, “I just don’t care. I’m not gonna worry about it. Everything will keep on going” come out of my mouth more often recently. My friend Nick even pointed out that it’s becoming a trend. Strangely, that gives me some hope.
Teachers tell you to “Just say no” to peer pressure as a kid. That has never been a problem for me. People were – and still are – pretty aware that I’m going to live life on my terms. They never really tried to make me do anything I didn’t want to do. But adults. And organizations. And grades. I’m a slave to them. I do not know why I feel the need to make them all satisfied. Just this week, I’ve got so many silly meetings. It is so draining, and I have got to learn to say no. When I came to college, I was so grateful for a clean slate. When I quit Young Life, regretful as I was about bailing on a commitment I had made, a burden was lifted off of me. I’m looking forward to Italy for a lot of reasons, but that is one of the biggest – a new slate, a fresh start. Jesus is always taking my yolk and giving me His. And I, in my utter foolishness and desire for earthly worth, steal it right back in a matter of months.
I am finding that what I was intending to write about in a blog is covered by my immediate thoughts, so I haven’t given you a brief overview of Bermuda or this past weekend. Oh well. Hartley and the Fowles were delightful hosts, and we met so many fantastic people, with whom I hope I won’t lost touch. It was a grand combination of high society, adventure, and night life. We had lots of tea times, went sailing and caving, and enjoyed our first real bar scene experiences. Ask me about the details in person…maybe it will get on the blog eventually. I also make no more promises about another post until some of these meetings and assignments give me room to breathe.
Until (possibly) Easter weekend,